Psychology

Much pioneering work in the justification of metapsychological justification failed. In general, recent work has upheld the earlier hypotheses. However, new approaches to the question (proposed by Quack, 1896; reviewed in Coup–Coup, 1997) of what psychologists are doing has produced remarkable findings. This model attempts to account for the curious pigeon–feeding behaviour of psychologists and is grounded in the assumption that psychologists are a pigeon’s way of making more pigeons. Isolation and characterisation of the allele scatterer, (scr) of the DogBell (DB) locus, putatively responsible for this behaviour, shows 97% homology with the gene controlling reflex flight direction preference in sheep.

Right-turning sheep were shown to carry the coriolois-n allele of the DrainingWater (DW) locus, whereas left-turning sheep carried the coriolis-s phenotype (Bollucks, 1852). Random samples of field populations of sheep tested for behaviour and genotype segregated according to this model without exception (Provaricateur, 1997), suggesting unequivocal predictive ability of this simple model. Similarly, the introduction of a pigeon into an entrained psychologist’s environment will trigger robotic bread-crumb scattering behaviour followed by frantic hypothesis juggling and systematic elimination of possibly correct versions. However, the assertion by Coup–Coup of a pleiotropic effect relating this behaviour to the equally puzzling aphasia seen in psychologists challenged to explain the benefit of their research remains unproven.

This important result provides an opportunity for the placement of Citizens in the growing field of Psychology. Cognitive research by Twisted et al. (1995) predicts that adoption of this plan will improve the System efficiency by 2.4 Orwells, mainly in the KeepingBusyAndAchievingNothing and SayingMuchAndMeaningLittle ISI (Intact Sanity Index) axes. Interestingly the intersection of these axes indicates the non-essentiality of querulousness of pigeons.

Finance views this draft as favourable, with a cost (1.2m SFA – Standardised Life Units) well below that of alternative UselessEndeavour schemes. We propose the new division be entitled PAINASS — paradigm for apigeonic inquiries into non-essential associative semantics — which precludes the requirements for validated RealScientists, thus lowering entry qualifications, and costs.

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Tags: Orwell, Psychology